You Can Do Better

I was trying to remember when I became so competitive and recalled my grandma telling me, from the time I started working, no matter what wage I was making, "Is that all?" "That's not very much" "You can do better". 

For most of my life I held this woman in high regard, but she, like others in my family, had an agenda. Probably why I turned to '75 for help. My grandma was priming me to take care of her and wanted me to make the most money possible. Wow. She even told me to make sure there was a bedroom for her if I ever purchased a house.

To put one myth to rest; she gave me money. Her exact words, that she had a will and would rather that I also get money, but could not figure me in with her four kids, and did not want her other 8 grandkids to find out she favored me. Little did I know she was keeping a journal and writing other things. Jesus!

The final reveal for me, was when she took down all my AA stickers off the fridge because my aunt and uncle were coming for dinner .... not only was I not invited, even though I lived there, she played everyone and kept the entire family against each other so she could get what she wanted from each person.

But, off I went, in the 70s, to be queen of the pharmacy and queen of anything else I tackled. Unfortunately, I do think that my way, in most cases, is the best way. lol

Regarding pharmacy, I had to be everything, know the most, have the most responsibility, be the hardest worker, be the favorite tech; pretty much achieved this. I miss pharmacy everyday, it never goes away ... being a healthcare professional, the stress lol ... I miss it all.

I didn't feel competitive in school until I finished my undergrad degree; same thing, had to be first, strive for the highest grade in class, etc etc

I guess in the back of my head, I thought about my pay, but after I saw my grandma's true colors, it lost power over me; rather I looked at the benefits from the job. When I subbed, it worked perfectly with the kids, so I didn't pay much attention to the amount. 

Now, that I am older, I look at what brings me enjoyment. Starbucks is expensive, but, I get so much enjoyment and always think about that night that I found out I was pregnant with Mack. Bittersweet, m\but I associate Starbucks with so many wonderful things, so whatever I spend, is okay with me.

My grandma was expecting me to take care of her and wanted to make sure I was on my way financially. At the same time telling me that I wasn't getting paid enough was just an underhanded way to express disappointment with me. smh. Tough reality.